Alegent Health Psychiatric Medical Institute for Children
I arrived at the Alegent Health PMIC program full of fear and anxiety. I had just spent a week in the psychiatric hospital after my own family had committed me due to an overdose suicide attempt. I had taken a handful of pills – I am not even sure what they all were – some Oxycontins, Hydrocodone, Xanax, sleepers, who knows! I was already drunk and high when we were putting the pills in the bowl. I had been thinking about suicide for a long time and had cut on myself in the past. My life just never seemed to get any better regardless of how I hard I tried to feel better. There was no way out. My family had never believed me – they couldn’t seem to accept the fact that my uncle raped me over a year ago. I had therapists before and had been through an outpatient chemical dependency program a couple times, but I just was not able to find any relief for my pain.
I had been to a Partial program as well. I was too scared and ashamed to tell the truth to my friends. All I wanted to do was get high. That was the only time I was able to feel happy, or at least feel somewhat OK. I was pretty much high all the time, and if I wasn’t, I was thinking about getting high and nothing could stand in my way of that one objective. I was either angry or sad if I wasn’t high. I was a wreck, but somehow thought that I was masking it all through lies and deception. In my heart, I knew I was out of control and needed help, but was too afraid and ashamed to do anything but get high.
I was happy to be at the PMIC program, but at first that was only because it meant I was out of the hospital. I had thoughts of running away every day for the first week or two, so that I could go find a fix, but I was able to work through that with the help of some great staff members. They seemed to know what I was thinking and feeling and were able to talk me through it. At first I was still feeling sick to my stomach and was scared to tell my “story” to the group or even to my therapist. But, through reassurance of staff and peers, I was able to tell the full story of my life and my out of control addiction. I remember being told that, “whatever I am carrying, I could leave it there and move on to a happy life without drugs.”
I truly felt the staff cared about me, and for the first time I was able to share my story. I learned new ways to deal with all my crazy feelings instead of numbing myself with drugs. And even though it was hard at first, I learned to love and appreciate others, including my family, and to have fun without substances. I learned that life is so worth living and I can find happiness living one day at a time, to the fullest. I am a good, whole person and I now choose to surround myself with clean, healthy people that I know support me. With the help of my therapist and the staff, I got on the right track, have built a healthy support system and have been drug-free for over 8 months now. I still call the PMIC staff to let them know how I am doing, even if I am having a bad day. I know they are still there pulling for me. And, I know that without the 3 and a half months I spent in PMIC, I might not be here, alive, and living a happy, fulfilling life.
For more information
Please call our intake coordinator at 712-527-2046.